


An Alternative Ouroboros

by gulpereel



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, POV First Person, Teacher-Student Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gulpereel/pseuds/gulpereel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life of Ichimaru Gin set in modern day Japan. The big issue? Aizen Sousuke will be released from prison in a month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I can't believe I'm writing a Bleach fanfic but I guess here we are. This is self indulgent un-beta'd stuff but I hope some people will enjoy it! Tags will probably be updated as more is added but posting this first part to see what the interest is like. Also I just wanted to try out first person for once.

It's 11:34 in the morning on a Tuesday and yet again I'm within the offices of Doctor Unohana. It's not a bad office per say, but visiting this office for the past few years had made me grown tired of the surroundings. She would change up some of the photos around the shelves at least, new books added here and there, something new added the desk. Once, some of the furniture was changed around and I couldn't believe that I was actually excited over that. 

I am Ichimaru Gin, age 27, and Doctor Unohana is essentially my shrink. 

The sound of a pen hitting the desk brings my attention back to her as I lounge back in the chair opposite. 

"I never thought this time would come," begins Unohana with a slight sigh and I can tell she's just saying that for the sake of it. "Gin, I think we should begin discussing future plans regarding this matter." 

"Let me guess, stay away from him? Don't turn on the TV? Don't pick a newspaper for a while?"

"Those are short term plans, we honestly need to get to the heart of the matter."

"You think I'm gonna run back to him."

"Am I wrong?"

Her reply makes me pause for a single moment but at this point I was good at playing her game. 

"Please, how many years has it been? Thought you already said you were happy with my progress of moving on. I mean, I have Kira, for starters," I knew bringing up Kira was always a good argument but for once she gave me an unsure look. What did I expect? I knew this was going to be harder to swing in my favour than any other conversation beforehand.

After all, Aizen Souske was being released from prison in exactly a month. 

\---

I had first met Aizen Sousuke when I was 18. 

I clearly remember my first thoughts being 'hot' and 'something's not quite right' but at that age, the 'hot' comment overshadowed the other. 

Making a long story short, my school life had been turbulent and because of that, I had failed my first university exam, leaving me a ronin and my free time taken up by a yobiko. Not getting a placement in a good university was not an option, at least that was my own personal prerogative but I wasn't actually motivated to spend the next year of my life studying exam questions. 

That was, until I met him. Motivation definitely struck then and I think it ended up the same for a lot of other students. 

The females especially but I for one wasn't even paying attention to any fellow students - my attention was solely at the man at the front. 

Over time, I learned facts through gossip I overheard here and there. He was 25, quite young, apparently from a well off family but just wanted to teach, quite good at calligraphy and had beautiful form. All facts that were essentially fluff but I remember committing each one to memory like a mouse collecting crumbs. I could say I was biding my time to approach him but it was more like I was always trying to figure out the best way to do so. 

What was I to gain from it? I wasn't sure myself, some extra tutoring at most but it was so long ago I don't remember my line of thinking. Maybe it was just due to Aizen Sousuke's nature - he drew people in easily enough and I clearly wasn't able to resist that charm either. 

Looking back, I should've listened to the 'something's not quite right' comment a bit better but, again, I was 18 and nothing really to lose. If he rejected me, I only had to deal with him for a year.   
It was half way through the year that I actually got Aizen alone and I remember deciding on a hot day in June that if there was going to be any chance to go for it, it was going to be that day. 

The sun was shining, the weather was hot, especially within the building causing even Aizen to loosen his tie and undo his top button to the pleasure of a lot of students. I myself had ended up in just a loose light blue tshirt and black jeans, a paper fan in my hand fluttering up and down erratically to try and cool down. It was practically impossible to really pay attention to what was being said, even having the windows open there was no breeze. After the day was over, Aizen requested help moving some materials, doing a little bit of filing, maybe some marking, nothing out of the ordinary to ask a student for help now and then. The school wasn't exactly the highest budget place but in this class at least helping Aizen was more of an honour than a chore. 

Usually I didn't bother volunteering myself but that day I decided to change things up a little. 

Aizen looked around the hopeful faces of students willing to help and briefly I saw a little smile as his gaze landed upon me. If I had any guess, he'd been looking forward to this day too, whether for the same reasons I wasn't quite sure. Maybe he was just pleased that I was interacting more than my usual standard of as little as possible. 

The class cleared away leaving me and him alone, the sounds of slightly busy streets and students chatter drifted through the open window as the sun was starting to make it's descent. He had me marking another groups papers, apparently a good exercise for my own studying for the exams but it was a rather tedious task. I had moved a chair from a desk to sit at the end of Aizen's own work space, the area not that big and already covered in some folders and papers. Beyond the background noises, Aizen for the most part quiet beyond a comment here and there. 

For some reason, it had left me on the edge of my seat and I felt like sweating for other reasons than the heat. 

What I didn't expect was for him to make the first move. As I was writing I felt his hand stop mine to get my attention, felt him move his chair ever so closer to mine. I looked up from the paper, a little startled at the touch, my own blue eyes meeting the brown ones hidden behind thick lenses. There was a small, warm smile on his face and honestly it didn't suit him. 

He asked me if I had anything on my mind lately and all I replied was 'you.' 

\---

"And how is Kira, Gin?" Asks Unohana now that I've brought him up. 

"Oh, the same old, y'know," I give a little shrug before continuing. "Or well, been a little excited at the idea of moving into a bigger place with me to celebrate his new job." I hope bringing up irelevant topics may change the flow of discussion but Unohana is comparable to a brick wall. 

"I've never actually asked this, does Kira know about Aizen? How is he feeling about the recent news?" 

"Ah, you know that's not exactly romantic to bring up past love affairs, kinda in a bad taste actually."

"... You haven't told him anything?" Her slight look of disbelief was pretty entertaining and I'm glad I can still surprise her after all these appointments. 

"I've told him the basics - the very bare bones basics in a fleeting couple of comments, but still I've mentioned it. He can already get so down easily," I added on the last comment to at least make my reasoning sound a little sympathetic. It was half the truth anyway, Izuru did have a tendency to over consider things and make himself blue over nothing. "And, well, for the recent news, same thing applies, he gets too nervous, but anyway it doesn't really matter, does it? I've already said I've got nothing to do with Aizen, yeah?" 

"You're rather chatty today," Unohana remarks quietly and at that point I'm pretty sure she knows my last statement was bullshit. 

"A bit of extra caffeine in the morning, probably." 

\---

It was a month into dating Aizen that I realized that I, in a way, had been chosen. 

As ominous as that sounds, back then it made me feel special. It wasn't as if I was picked for some sort of cult sacrifice or anything but merely that Aizen Sousuke had decided that I was the one he wanted to be with out of anyone in that class. He had his pick from most of the students there, I knew already others had confessed previously but I was the one that he was taking out for dinner, I was the one receiving his attention. 

The real question I had though was why me? 

It's not that I had the worst self esteem but I wasn't exactly the cutest. Sure I was skinny but slightly more like a skeleton than anything attractive, maybe I could say my hair and eyes were interesting but Rangiku had told me many times my go-to smile tended to ruin both features. Personality wise? Well, everyone has their ups and downs. 

I think Aizen was mostly interested in the personality bit. He sure as hell back then didn't seem interested in my body. 

After all, it had been a month and the most I had gotten out of him was a chaste kiss now and then and his hand sometimes touching mine. I guess it was my mistake deciding that a relationship with someone older automatically meant getting down and dirty faster but then I forgot who I was dealing with. Saying that, even with the slight touch or shred of affection, I ate it up as much as I could, usually I would even encourage things to go further. Sometimes as he would drop me off near my place in his car, he'd lean in for his 'goodnight' kiss and each time I would have a plan to take it the next step further. 

Aizen Sousuke was a lot of things but truly he was an expert cock blocker and somehow could disengage me every time. 

Rangiku would always ask if something bad happened when I walked through the door looking ever so slightly frustrated but she stopped asking the one time I walked in and shouted that I just wanted to fuck.   
Instead she changed to laughing at it instead. 

At that time, Rangiku was my room mate for our joined shitty apartment. Unlike me, she had went for not her first choice of university and had begun her classes, in her free time she was picking up shifts as a hostess. It left her schedule quite all over the place but we still saw each other often enough and we were at least efficient to figure out the chores between us. Sometimes, if I was feeling a little empathetic that day, I'd agree to help out a little more than usual while she was hungover from work.

I remember seeing the neighbours face when he saw a young couple featuring Rangiku's tits moving in next door. I can't help but feel like we've should've at least pretended to have sex to piss him off. 

But, at that point in our lives, it just wasn't like that. 

It's not like we didn't try it out, we did, but it didn't really click in the way that our friendship had and really we'd already been through too much. At this point, she was my family and I was hers.

And, like any good sister, she was annoyingly good at teasing. 

It was at least three months into this that I finally snapped. 

\---  
"How is Rangiku taking this?" Unohana once again cutting to the core of the problem without trying to fluff it up. She knows it doesn't work on me and stopped that tactic quite early on. 

"Peachy," I reply back with another shrug, not really planning to expand. I can even admit that Rangiku is a somewhat touchy topic for me especially in regards to the Aizen matter. 

"Do you see her often these days?"

"Now and then, I still have her on facebook at least," I forgo to mention how awkward the meetings tend to be and how the only reason I haven't removed her off facebook was due to my own masochistic tendencies and secret concern. 

"Ah, I suppose it's something," she remarks back, jotting something down and frankly I wonder why she even bothers. "But, I really think truly reconnecting with her again could prove to be a good solid foundation."

"A solid foundation for what?"

"Moving on," she says back without missing a beat. It's always 'moving on' or 'moving forward' that these sessions have now become about. At first it was different topics but now it was her obsession with the idea that I was still hung up on Aizen and that I was living in the past, clinging to nostalgia. 

She got most of that wrong; I wasn't clinging to nostalgia, I was looking forward to the future.

The Tuesday session ended with her giving me a concerned, weak smile. 

\---

One evening three weeks into our third month of dating, I stood in front of Aizen's desk and told him that I wanted to fuck. 

No one else was in the classroom, I wasn't that bold, but he clearly was surprised at my forwardness so much so almost dropped his marking pen. He seemed to flounder briefly thinking of a response, eyes a little wide behind the glasses but something else that I couldn't quite pinpoint. 

Something like amusement? 

Well, I didn't dwell on it long before I continued, telling him that I didn't care what the fuck he wanted to do as long as we did something. That I was going crazy, that if he even loved me he should've done something by now, that if he couldn't get it up or was embarrassed about something I didn't care. 

Honestly, I was a little frightened at my own words. What was it about this man that was causing me to lose my ambivalence towards the world so easy? To get me riled up like this? It was exciting but at the same time I wondered why I wanted his attention so badly. 

He put up his hand to make me stop talking and I stopped. Next he took off his glasses.

For some reason I felt like running at that point and I wasn't even sure why. 

"You shouldn't say these words so easily to me, Gin," he started, putting his glasses down on the table and getting up from the desk. My mouth felt a little dry at the change of demeanor and tone all the sudden, something in my mind telling me I should leave, that I was dangerously getting closer to the edge of a cliff. He came around the desk to where I was standing but didn't touch me just yet, just stood closely behind me. 

"You don't care what I do? That's practically a green light for anything, Gin, it's a very bold statement," his voice is quiet yet with a hint of amusement and for once, seduction. I couldn't help but shiver at the voice, at the words, at the implications but as much as it made me feel arousal it also caused some stirrings of fear. I couldn't even turn my head to look back, my eyes ending up focused on the white board in front of me, the specks of unwiped marker pen drawing my eyes. 

Still, somehow I found my voice. 

"Well, it seems a bold approach is workin'? Seems to me I've hit a switch." I could feel him moving in a little closer, could feel him behind my back, his head near my neck, his breaths by my ear. 

"You haven't even scratched the surface yet."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, unbeta'd rambles yet again but it's mostly Kira this time with a bit of Aizen. Can you tell I wrote a lot of this on a really hot day?

It's exactly three more weeks before Aizen is due for release and I'm marking papers with Izuru. 

He's sitting opposite me at the kotatsu except it's too hot to have the blanket around so it's more like a large coffee table. The windows are all open, letting in a gentle breeze and the faint sound of cicadas. On some of the window panes I had hung up tsurushi-bina that were gifts from Izuru, the wind sometimes hitting the toy garlands that were decorated with bells and making them ring out. 

At this point in the hot afternoon I have essentially given up on decency and I'm sitting around in my underwear. Meanwhile Izuru is definitely losing the battle with the shirt and short set he's wearing, visibly sweating as he's trying to focus on his own stack of papers to mark. 

Long story short, Kira Izuru, age 24, is my boyfriend of about 3 years. When I first met him I was 24 myself and had just started a new job at the same yobiko I had attended when I was 18. Kira Izuru, a bright, fresh faced university student at 21, had ended up as my somewhat TA on certain days of the week. It was some kind of voluntary thing for at his university apparently and at first he told me it was about the experience but later told me he just wanted more excuses to not have to go home. 

At first, I didn't like him but shit happens. 

When I first met him, I remember being irrationally annoyed by his demeanor, of the hairstyle keeping one eye hidden, of his too obedient nature. I didn't behave negatively towards him of course but I tried to keep our interaction outside of the lessons to a minimum. I suppose when I started seeing the looks he would sneak my way I ended up a little wary, wondering if that's how Aizen must've felt when students started to crush on him. I hadn't even done anything to incite a crush but I assumed after a while that Kira was starved for any scrap of attention and friendliness that my usual approach to people must've seemed something more. 

I had noticed some of my stuff was missing at the same time I realized Kira had a crush on me and I had thought nothing of it.

Eventually, Kira surprised me in that he actually approached me about going out. I had agreed at the time with the intention of just being a very boring and lousy date to put him off and if that didn't work, I would bring out the 'working environment' excuse to turn him down. Even after so many years, the idea of moving onto someone that wasn't Aizen was such a strange thought to me that even if I didn't try, I probably would've been a shitty date anyway. 

He let me choose the details of our first date. I picked the cheapest restaurant I could find and the shittiest bar in all of nichoume that I knew. 

I had hoped the restaurant would've made him call it off early, I already knew he had a rich background and upbringing. It wasn't even exactly a restaurant honestly, just a small little place that sold food and I know I could've just taken him for fast food but that stuff rarely agreed with my stomach. I tried to act as boring as possible, answering his questions vaguely, not showing any interest in his own personal life and perhaps I was being unfair but I knew even then that any relationships outside of Aizen had no real future. 

Somehow, Kira persevered and we went to the bar. It was a Saturday evening and quite late when we arrived, the bar already quite packed and busy. I mainly considered it shitty due to it's run down looking appearance, the customers it attracted, the lack of security and the basic ass menu but it was cheap and therefore people went. I had visited there a few times before for Aizen but beyond that it wasn't really my scene and honestly I wasn't a fan of loud places to begin with. 

I had a few drinks with Kira before I wondered off with a toilet excuse. 

At this point, it was quite late and people were drunk. It wasn't really a surprise to me when someone began accosting me in the toilets, moving up close to me, grinding upon me a little and offering an invitation close to my ear. It was disgusting but nothing I couldn't handle. 

And I would've handled it. If Kira hadn't done that first and taken it to the next level. 

I barely had a moment to register what had happened, one moment I was detangling myself from a drunk, the next moment I had my TA shouting at the guy that he wasn't allowed to touch me. The drunk seemed confused but aggravated enough about the interruption to tell Kira to fuck himself and to fuck off. 

Kira was on top of this guy in an instant, landing punch after punch, fucking up this guys face in ways that I still see in dreams. All I managed to do for a few seconds was just watch and wonder if I just naturally attracted people that were secretly fucked up. Eventually though, it was going too far and I managed to pull Kira off of the guy and close to me. I took his hand silently and rushed him out of the toilets, towards the exit, out onto the streets and down a few roads until we hit a smoking zone. 

I took a few moments to take some deep breathes as Kira stood near me silently, looking at his own hands that were red from being clenched so tightly and a little bit of blood. 

I remember my first thought being about the guy in the toilets and wondering if he was dead. My second thought was that Kira was drunker than I had originally thought. My third was that seeing Kira beat the shit out of that guy was fucking hot and fourth, Kira was already considering me his. 

I ended up mostly focusing on the third thought, that seeing Kira so angry and dominating kick started some desire in me. It made me consider the blonde TA in a new light, made me think about a boring set of drawers with secret hidden panels and it made me feel excited for the first time since Aizen was taken away from me. 

Kira began to stutter out an apology after the adrenaline seemingly started to wear off and I shut him up with a bruising kiss. 

"Gin."

I look up at Kira on the opposite side of the kotatsu and he looks worried. I give him a look as to say 'what now?' but mostly focus on fanning myself. 

"You were staring at the same spot for five minutes, are you okay? I know you don't do well in heat," Kira begins and it's cute how he worries over me, cute how he remembers these things about me. It's like how I know each detail about Aizen but it's somewhat charming to have someone do the same towards me. 

I shrug and continue fanning, "it's just too hot, and, well, I was thinking about stuff but mostly I'm hot. How are you doing any work in this at all?" I bring myself to lie back against a few pillows on the floor and shut my eyes. 

"I'm... used to heat more? Not important, what were you thinking about?" I hear the sound of Izuru putting down his marker before I feel him lay down next to me on the pillows. 

"This and that. Mostly we could be doing more exciting things but I guess also life in general."

"It's too hot for exciting things."

"Says you. Good opportunity to try out some ice play, right?"

"That sounds like a hassle to clean up."

"You're not wrong but it was just a suggestion." 

"What about life? Is it about, you know," I'm surprised as Kira brings up a topic that I was for sure he was going to avoid as much as possible. 

"Not quite. I confessed to him on a hot day like this," I can feel Kira tense up a little beside me. 

"I don't want to know, we've been over this."

"You brought it up first."

"I brought up the recent news, it's completely different. Shouldn't you be more worried?"

"For what? He's not going to kidnap me, though you and Unohana seem to be acting like he will. Frankly, he probably doesn't even remember me. It's been years," I know my words are reassuring to Kira but I wonder if he's gotten so used to me that he knows when my words are half truths. I feel his hand grab mine. 

"I know he's not going to kidnap you but I'm worried-- Gin, look at me," I do as he says if only because it's easier and honestly his serious tone has me on alert. "I'm worried that he's going to take you away from me." 

"You haven't even met him or know anything about him."

"I know you, though, and, well, I know enough."

"Done some research, huh?"

"It wasn't on purpose!" He at least has the decency to look a little flustered, like a child caught. "Rangiku told Hisagi a bunch of stuff and well, I was curious and we were drunk." 

I could only give a sigh as I realize I had somehow forgotten that one of Kira's friends was one of Rangiku's booty calls. I'm not even sure of the details of Izuru knowing Hisagi Shuuhei but regardless it was annoying that Kira could hear Rangiku's side of things while I was trying hard to keep everything vague. Not trying too hard mind you, at the end of the day Kira would still take my word above anyone else but he takes to heart anything that could possibly separate us. 

"So you believe drunk gossip over my own version, huh," I state as I roll onto my side, rest my head on my hand and continue fanning with the other. 

"I'm not saying that! But, uh, you know you've never told me your own version so," he replies back and he's sitting up a little to match my new shift in position. It's kinda cute when he panics over me doubting him but he does bring up a troublesome point that my very weak explanation was clearly not enough for Kira. Too smart for his own good sometimes but I guess that's why I've manage to stick with him for this long. 

"It's a difficult topic for me, it's not exactly good on a day like this, yeah? I'll tell you more when the time's right," I hope that's enough to change the conversation direction but just to make sure I start to roll in closer towards Kira. I shut the paper fan before putting it to the side, moving into Kira's personal space in a way that is probably a little uncomfortable for both of us. 

I reach out a hand to wipe at the sweat at Kira's brow and it seems that the distraction is working. 

Kira pulls me in close gently, leans in for a tentative kiss. It's nothing like the first time we kissed - full of adrenaline, hard, awkward, slightly drunk - but I find these two sides to Kira interesting. Sometimes he sees me like a delicate piece of origami, that I'm easy to rip and destroy but something to unfold slowly bit by bit. Sometimes he sees me as I sometimes see myself - something sturdy, made out of rubber or plastic, something that can snap back into shape no matter what someone else does. 

Well, except if you melt it down and shove it into a new mold like Aizen did but he's always had a different approach to things. 

As Kira's hands slide up my sweat slicked back, I give a faint sigh and relax into his reverent touches. 

Today I'll let myself get spoilt. 

\---

I remember hissing in pain when Aizen first bit into my neck. 

He had sharper teeth than I was originally expecting, the bones played with my flesh gently for a few moments before biting down hard enough to bleed. For a split second I panicked that I was going to be murdered, that he was going to rip my throat but I soon realized that thought was foolish, that it only made me feel hotter than before. 

It's the first time me and Aizen are fucking and it's in my kitchen, over my own table. 

The feel of the table was cool on my cheek and flesh as I laid bent over the surface, my shirt shoved upwards revealing my chest but not removed. My trousers were half off and half on, mostly on the floor with my underwear and the table bit into my stomach with each thrust. The bottle of lube laid waste on the table, having been knocked over at some point. Condoms and wrappers sprinkled the table here and there. 

Aizen was still mostly dressed, I could feel the fabric against my back and skin, making my flesh goosebump at the feel of soft cotton in the sensitive state I was in. His glasses laid on the table, fortunately away from the lube spillage and before we started anything he'd slicked back his hair, complained that it got in the way. One hand held firmly onto my hip, gripping my skin like bruising wasn't a concept and the other was keeping my dick on edge. It hadn't taken me long to realize that Aizen was seeing my body akin to a toy to play with and once I accepted that it was easier to just go with whatever he was giving me. 

Perhaps it's nostalgia speaking but overall, my first time with Aizen Sousuke was pretty much life changing. 

At some point, later in the evening, I ended up in my small ass bed with Aizen tucking me in close. His hold wasn't uncomfortable but it felt firm and possessive and overall it was a new sensation that made me feel beloved albeit a little on edge. 

Staring up at my ceiling in the dark room that was faintly illuminated with moonlight I'd realized I had unleashed a beast that I wasn't really sure how to handle.

I remember wondering if Aizen was something better left viewing from behind a reinforced glass panel.


End file.
